Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
