the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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