I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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