my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
