This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize