i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
