I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
