I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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