DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
