I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I checked into jail on foursquare
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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