Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
