Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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