dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The uberlube is also flammable
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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