Got a toothbrush?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
