Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
