i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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