from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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