what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
