Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
