dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
