no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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