You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
