your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
