I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
