I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
