yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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