had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
