I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
