i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
