Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
