SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
