I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
