You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
