Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
