I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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