Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Send help, water and tortillas.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
