Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
