I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
