You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
