I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
