I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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