just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
