So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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