she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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