So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
