brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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