YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize