She said her name was "party"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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