holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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