I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
