There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
