I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
