I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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