bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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