the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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