I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
This toilet bowl is my home.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
