Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I intend to get homeless drunk
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
