Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Never joke about your clitoris.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
