oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
