I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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