Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
