dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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