theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
