hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
