you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
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