a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
