No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
