I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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