You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
