Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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